You’re probably not an expert in the relationship area, but you do know what you want more in your life – Love. We all want that warm feeling. What makes us feel loved, though?
I had no idea, until I read, The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. You may have heard that for real estate it’s all about location, location, location. Apparently for love, it’s communication, communication, communication. Central to communication, of course, is language. According to Dr. Chapman there are five distinct love languages. Each person has a primary love language. If you are not hearing it spoken to you, then in all likelihood, you feel unloved. This principle can be applied to all relationships, but especially couples.
In order to communicate, you need to know each other’s love language….and speak it! Otherwise, after the first flush of love, life could resemble the UN without translators: mass confusion, tempers flaring, and before you know it, war has broken out everywhere. Or divorce…which feels like war. I know….I almost did a Splitsville.
Here is a summary of the 5 love languages:
Encouraging words (Words of Affirmation)
High on the list are words of encouragement, praise, or appreciation of a job well done. None of these languages are gender specific, but most males seem to really dig being told you are proud of their work and efforts. If praise does not come easily to you start a list of aspects you appreciate. Be specific. Then make sure to give them at least one verbal compliment a day…IF that is their love language. |
Time Together (Quality Time)
Complaints that “we don’t spend time with each other,” or “you’re never around” shout out “quality time” as the love language. Sitting in the same room passively watching a movie or sitting in silence at a restaurant may or may not win any brownie points. Soo...make a list of mentioned events, places to go, and things to do...on Udorami. |
Shower of Gifts (Recieving GIfts)
Gifting can be highly cultural, and personal, so do your research. Gifting for special occasions is expected, but someone whose love language involves showers of presents loves surprise gifts, big and small. If you love someone who gushes at even the tiniest trinket have them make a Udorami wish list. so you can bring them the perfect gift EVERY time. If you are that person, don't be afraid to keep a list and make it available to friends and family. They will want to speak of their love to you. It may be the thought that counts, but you will think better of them and yourself if those gifts are what you like. |
Those Little Things You Do (Acts of Service)
That honey-do list may be more than a list of chores. It may well be a way of asking for or giving love. Okay, sure... there are some chores that have to be done, or else the place will resemble a post-Apocalyptic chaos, but how it is done, and the attitude determines whether you are speaking Love. When you perform a service out of fear it is because you are a slave. If it is done for a reward, then you are an employee. If it is done, however, with no thought for yourself, but purely for another, then it is Love. |
Affectionate touches (Physical Touch)
Again there are some cultural and familial attitudes, but it is a scientific fact that loving touch is an emotional need. A thirty second, full-frontal hug from your spouse is AMAZINGLY connective. Ask any parents of a teenager what they miss most, and they’ll probably tell you it’s those little unexpected hugs they used to get. Scientifically, hugging induces oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” that’s renowned for reducing stress, lowering cortisol levels and increasing a sense of trust and security. |
Finding Your Primary Love Language
If you haven’t determined your primary love language from the short descriptions here, then we encourage you to read the book or just browse over to 5lovelanguages.com. But make sure to come back and begin the conversations. Create wish lists, invite all your friends, family, and loved ones to join, have them set up wish lists and let Udorami help your relationships thrive and grow.
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